It Felt Like a Hook through His Heart
by ThePurpleCloak
Summary: His Swan. His love. She'd just told him the three words he'd been dying to hear, and now... he couldn't even bear to imagine what he would do now. *CaptainSwan! Short drabble based on what I believe Killian was thinking and feeling throughout the last scene of episode(s) 4x21-4x22. SPOILERS! You've been warned!* Rated T to be safe. I own nothing. Now an ongoing story.
1. Chapter 1

The darkness was surrounding Regina. Emma and Robin were trying to think of something they could do to help. Emma, his brilliant Swan, remembered that the darkness could be tethered to a person.

"I love you," she whispered to him. It was the last thing he perceived of reality. He saw his love walk towards the cloud of darkness, and time seemed to stop. He remembered meeting her in the Enchanted Forest, and their adventure on the beanstalk. He recalled how she gave herself a ten-hour head start for the climb down. He saw himself falling in love all over again. However, this time, he knew his feelings were reciprocated.

Killian watched as the darkness consumed his love. He was helpless. Today alone, he had forgotten everything. He had become no more than one of Blackbeard's slaves, he'd been killed by an evil Prince Charming, and he magically returned home, to find that nothing had truly happened. _This isn't real_ , he told himself. _If I died, and yet I didn't, then she will_ not _become the bloody Dark One._

He saw Emma's mouth move. He watched her lips, but he heard no sound. He watched as she disappeared from view, hidden by a sea of black. And then, she was no more. In her wake fell a dagger. Killian's eyes trailed towards it. He saw a name, _her_ name engraved in the knife. _Emma, love,_ please _tell me you didn't do this to yourself,_ he silently begged.

His head turned of its own accord. He saw her parents, holding each other in their grief; he saw Regina and Robin doing just the same. _I would hold on to you now, love, but I can't. I'd hold you if you were upset, like I always have. The problem is that we're all in grief over what you've just done. Come back to me, Swan. You know I love you. I need you more than you will ever know._

Killian still heard nothing. He saw Mary Margaret look his way - she was saying something to him - was she? He suddenly heard the sound of blood rushing through his ears. The world slowed even more - if that was possible - until there was nothing but a pirate and his sudden grief. _Ten minutes ago, you were in my arms and we were happy._

Very quickly, a pain settled in his chest. His heart began to ache. _Am I truly becoming this weak this fast?_ he wondered. _Why? It's only been a minute. Has it? It feels like it's been lifetimes since I last laid eyes on you, Swan._ He had once observed that time did not affect him very much. This was back when he was in Neverland. He had come to terms with his then never-ending life, and his quest that would never be fulfilled. _I didn't actually think I'd stick to that promise. You have done wonders to me, love._

He now noticed that everyone around him was trying to communicate to him. Killian could still hear no sound, apart from the blood in his ears. He felt himself fall, but did not feel any pain, apart from the one in his heart. His vision blurred. _It feels like you've stuck a hook through my heart, Emma._ Killian saw no more, as he fell unconscious.

 **A/N: That is it! If you're wondering about Snowflakes, I am NOT giving up, but tonight's Once really made me want to write this little piece. Too bad that now we must wait until September for new episodes...**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you to all the reviewers, followers and favourites! I really appreciate you taking your time to read my little story. Anyway, this is now an ongoing story! Not quite sure where the plot is gonna go, but looking into a certain pirate's struggle with 300 years' worth of depression could be interesting.**

 **(2-hour update) I noticed that a large chunk of the chapter disappeared, so I took it down, fixed it and here it is, all of it.**

 **Disclaimer: If you weren't aware, ABC owns Once. Not me.**

 _Milah...And now Emma. Both gone, yet I'm still here._

Killian opened his eyes. He was still laying on the street. However this time, he was watching the scene from a distance. He saw Regina surrounded by the darkness, Robin and Emma struggle to think of a plan, David and Mary Margaret standing to the side, and himself. He was watching...himself? _What? What on Earth is going on here?_ he wondered.

Emma turned towards the other Killian, like she had done moments ago. "I love you," she breathed. _Bloody hell, this is confusing. Alright, Hook. do something now. Stop her from doing this!_ Hook stood there like a statue, just like Killian had done. _Not again,_ he thought.

"Emma!" he screamed, and ran towards her. She looked at him, then at Hook. "What the..?" _Well, aren't you just bloody brilliant?_ _Now you've confused her. She's probably going to run to that cloud even faster now!_ This time, however, Killian would not sit idly by and watch his love disappear.

Emma was now pulling Regina away from the darkness. Before he could even process the thought, Killian hurled himself into the cloud. "I love you, Swan." He pushed her out of the way, and waited for the darkness to consume him. He closed his eyes, expecting to feel something. _This is supposed to be an act of true love. If I open my eyes, will I see that I've just been standing in the middle of the road waiting for nothing in particular?_

It was awfully quiet, too quiet for the pirate's liking. He opened his eyes, and noticed that he was alone. The darkness was gone, as was everyone else. He turned in a circle around himself. Still, there was no one or nothing in sight. Suddenly, he heard a scream, and the sound of an object dropping behind him. He slowly turned around. _Emma? Oh, thank the gods you're alright._

Emma bent over and picked up what she'd dropped. _That dagger looks - no._ Engraved on the dagger were Killian's two favourite words: Emma Swan. She looked into Killian's eyes. He looked back, and saw nothing of his love. No glimmer in her eyes, no emotion of any sort. She flashed him a wicked grin."Hi, Hook," she spat. Her voice sounded like poison to him. She was even calling him 'Hook'. _She hasn't called me that to my face in ages._

"I didn't know what I was signing up for when I became the Dark One. I didn't think I'd get to see the world through clearer eyes. But I do. I see that you don't actually love me - "

"Swan, what are you - "

"Zip it, pirate. I'm talking. If you actually loved me, you would have tried to stop me form turning dark. You would have done _something._ I saw you, _Killian_ , I was looking at you. You stood there, and did nothing. You stood there, and you said nothing. You looked like all this was happening to _you._ So selfish. Then again, that does sound like a pirate. I think I liked you better with my father's sword through your heart."

Killian gaped at her. _It's her, but it really isn't._

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

"EMMA!" Killian shot upwards. _Where am I?_ he wondered. As his eyes adjusted to the daylight, he let his other senses determine his location. _It's quiet, but comfortable, and it smells like home._ When he could finally see properly, he scanned the room. _Emma's bedroom. I'm in Emma's bedroom. More importantly, I'm in her bed. And I'm also shirtless. Did someone take off my shirt while I was out or..?_ Killian didn't get the chance to complete his thought

 _"_ Hook? Is everything alright?" David asked as he walked up the stairs, and entered his daughter's room. He noticed that Killian was shirtless, then turned around and said, "I'll come back when you're decent." And, with that, Prince Charming descended the loft's stairs.

Killian got out of the bed, and saw that his shirt was neatly folded on the desk. _How did I get here? I don't remember anything after passing out on the street._ He put on his shirt, and buttoned it up. He then decided to go downstairs, to find Charming on the couch, alone, eyeing him.

"I'm..um...I'm fine, Dave," he said.

"Alright then," replied the prince.

"Can I ask you a few questions?" he wondered.

"I suppose that depends on the question."

"Okay, um why was I shirtless?" he started. His question made David chuckle a little bit.

"That is a question you'll have to ask my wife. She was looking after you. You probably sweat through your shirt or something. It's clean, if you were wondering."

Killian eyed his sleeves, and found them freshly ironed. "Oh, well then thank you. How long was I out?"

David paused to think. He ran a hand through his short hair, scratching his head in the process. "Uh...A couple of days, two or three. I haven't really kept track of time lately."

The pirate nodded. "Understandable. Thanks for letting me stay in your home," he added.

The prince flashed him a quick smile. "Don't even worry about it. We wouldn't have it any other way."

Killian paused his awkward conversation for a moment, and looked around the loft. "Speaking of 'we'..." he started, "Where's the family?"

"Mary Margaret and Henry went for a walk with Neal, and Emma... disappeared," David replied harshly.

 _Way to go, reminding the man who probably carried you into his house that his daughter became the Dark One,_ Killian thought. "Sorry," he muttered. He saw that his jacket was on the coat rack, next to a few of Emma's favourite leather jackets. _Come back, Emma..._

"Don't blame yourself, Killian. It's not your fault."

"It's not yours either, Dave. She sacrificed herself." _Just let her come back to me, let her kiss me one more time, let me tell her I love her move than I've ever loved anyone before. Just let me be with her..._

David sighed, "I know. Now we just have to find her, and find a way to get rid of her darkness. This time, without hurting anyone. That is not going to be an easy task."

"Let me know what I can do to help," Killian said, determination shining in his eyes. "I'll do anything if it means she'll come back, without trying to kill any of us."

David nodded. "I would talk to Mr. Gold, who always seems to have a solution, but he seems to be a little out of it right now."

The pirate chuckled dryly. "That is probably for the best." His eyes settled on the coat rack once again. _How are you holding up so well, Dave? I feel as though the world is crumbling, yet here you are, sad, but fit as a fiddle. You have your whole family busy so that they can forget for a while. You have a quiet appartment so you can think. You will come up with a plan to save her. And here I am, barely able to speak without breaking apart._ "I'm going to go sailing for a bit," he suddenly decided. He looked at the prince. "Would you...like to come?" he asked tentatively. "It might help clear your head."

David shrugged, "I suppose fresh air can't do any harm."


	3. Chapter 3

**Apologies for the huge delay - life has been quite hectic. Anyways, enjoy!**

 **Small disclaimer: If there is such a thing as _Peter Pan: the new Broadway Musical,_ I had no idea. **

* * *

It was a beautiful day to sail - not that Killian cared. He busied himself with the methodical work of mounting the sails, ignoring the prince beside him, and ignoring his thoughts. He then turned to David. "Have you ever sailed a ship before?" he wondered.

"As a matter of fact, I have. I wasn't always a prince, you know," David replied.

"I'm aware of that, however I didn't think that shepherds would ever find the need to sail."

"Well, when one has a friend living in Arendelle, one learns to go across the water."

Killian gave a small chuckle. "All that for the Kristoff lad? You two must have been quite a pair."

David allowed himself a small smile. "You have no idea," he said.

"How did the two of you even meet?"

"That, _mate_ , is a very long story," David responded, while imitating the pirate.

"I have all the time in the world, Dave."

David sighed, "That's a story for another time. Maybe we should focus on the issue at hand," he suggested.

Killian walked over to the wheel of his ship. "I came here as a distraction from our... _issue_. I thought you could use one too."

"You're right. In fact, this whole town could afford one. However, we can't afford to waste time. We have to find Emma and Merlin, and bring everything back to normal. We don't have time to clear our heads and distract ourselves. We have to save the Savior."

Killian nodded, and threw his hands up in defeat. "What do you suggest we do then?" he asked.

"I have absolutely no idea. I don't know what we're supposed to do. Hell, I don't even know how to function properly right now," David responded.

 _You spoke my thoughts there, Dave. I don't know what to do without my Swan. I've learned to live with both our lives intertwined, yet here I am, alone, confused, and lonely. I just want to shout out my frustrations, but you wouldn't understand. Yes, she's your daughter. The one you sent away to save you when she turned 28. She saved you then, and since then she's saved you time and time again. She's saved me multiple times too. I love her too. I've lost everyone I've ever loved, and I don't want her name added to that list,_ Killian thought. _Wait. Merlin, was it? That sounds so familiar. Where did I hear that name?_

"David!"

The prince turned from the water to face Killian. "What?"

"I've heard of the name Merlin. I think I may have met him," Killian said, his eyes brimming with hope.

David smiled, "Really?"

The pirate nodded, and his face fell. "There's only one problem. I have no idea where or when I would have possibly met this Merlin."

"Hey, it's a start. How about we turn this ship around and do some research?"

Killian frowned in confusion. "Research? On what? Or who?"

David grinned. "You. We're going to do some research on you," he said.

"Well then, we should find Henry. He knows almost everything on everyone around here. Besides, maybe this could cheer up the lad."

* * *

Upon returning to shore, David and Killian returned to the loft, to find Henry sitting on the sofa silently. Mary Margaret and Neal were nowhere to be seen, presumably still out and about. Hook quickly explained to Henry the events of the short boat ride. He suddenly rose from the couch, and ran to the door. He said no words, but the two men could understand that his expression meant: _what are we waiting for?_

The pirate, the prince, and the Author walked to the library, and found it deserted.

"Why is the door open if there isn't even anybody here?" Killian thought aloud.

"Belle must be too concerned about Gold to even think about leaving his side. Even if it's to lock the doors," David presumed.

"Well, it's okay. I know that Belle arranged this place by genre. All we have to do is find the fairy tales and children's stories," Henry said.

"Excuse me," scoffed Killian, "I will have you know that I most certainly do not belong in a children's story. No child could ever handle hearing about a dashingly handsome pirate and his extraordinary adventures."

"Keep thinking that, Hook. I'm sure it'll get you far," said David.

Once Henry had found the right section of the library, the trio combed through every book, searching for the right story. Title after title portrayed Killian as the villain, and he was getting rather frustrated.

"Are you telling me that in every version of this stupidity known as the 'true story of Peter Pan', he's the hero and _I_ ruin everything? What kind of world am I living in?"

Hook received no response, but David and Henry shared a small laugh.

* * *

After searching the library for hours with no results, David decided to call it a day. Killian quickly agreed to stop reading about his 'alter ego'. However, Henry refused to leave. He was determined to find a story about Captain Hook that no one had ever read. Unfortunately, he feared that such a story only existed in said pirate's head.

"Henry, you can't just stay here by yourself," David commented.

"It's not like you won't be able to see me, you two will be at Granny's," he countered.

"I still can't leave you here alone. What would your mothers think of me then?"

"My moms are nowhere to be found right now, so what they think of you is irrelevant."

"Dave, he'll be fine," Killian assured the prince. "We're only going across the street."

David sighed. "Fine. Henry you can stay for one hour. If you're not at Granny's in sixty minutes I -"

"I get it, grandpa. One hour."

The two men left the building, leaving Henry alone with his research.

* * *

Fifty-five minutes later, Henry had still not found a new story about Killian. He had found ten copies of Peter Pan translated into German, thirty copies in Spanish, and five copies of _Peter Pan: the new Broadway Musical._

He sighed, and decided to head over to the diner. He gathered his belongings and attempted to clean up the area. He headed towards the door when he noticed an unusual red book on Belle's desk. He approached the table, and picked up the book. It was a fairly large tome, almost as big as his storybook. However, it had far fewer pages, and bore no title. Henry opened the book, and read the first page. He gasped at the words he saw, then sprinted out the door.


End file.
